On considering something a “bad dream”

“Nadanthathellaam oru ketta kanavaa nenachu marandhudu” is a convenient piece of advice you are often given when something goes unexpectedly wrong for you or against your wishes. Well yes, shit happens, but to ask someone to consider it all a bad dream?

Well, what do I say? I am only reminded of a TV clip that I watched long ago.

There are two women on-screen; woman #1 is crying her eyes out. Woman #2 is trying to console her saying “Nadanthadhellam oru ketta kanavaa nenachu marandhudu”. 

The woman in tears pauses for a moment and slaps the other woman hard. When a shocked woman #2 looks on, woman #1 says, “Ippo nadandhadha oru ketta kanavaa nenachu marandhudu.”

It’s better to consciously refrain from using this line to comfort someone  – not just to avoid receiving a slap, but because it’s simply not comforting. I have been at the receiving end of this piece of advice and I know how it only adds to your pain. Very counterproductive, never say it.

When someone is clearly affected by something, asking them to consider it all a dream is like shrugging off their suffering as something light. Or if you yourself were a reason for their suffering, you are trying to minimize your contribution to it by trying to convert reality into a dream just because it works well for you. It only induces anger and further pain for the other person and makes them feel like they have been taken for a ride.

The fact that you are able offer this advice also shows that you have followed it. It’s not a very nice thing to be informed that your existence as a person with emotions and your actions have been dismissed by someone as a “bad dream” to suit their convenience. It only gives the impression that you were never taken seriously.

You may not realize it, but don’t tell someone in pain to dismiss it as a dream. Reality ≠ Dream. For them, their suffering is so real that it shakes their very core. 

A starting point to remove a problem would be to acknowledge its presence. Not deny its existence hoping that it would go away.

With that, I rest my case.

 

 

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