Living on autopilot

In this age of artificial intelligence, when they are making robots as intelligent as a human being, there are some human beings training themselves to be as emotionless as a robot. For their own “good”. As a means to protect themselves from, let’s say, emotional hazards. You are reading one of them. Yours truly has been eating, sleeping and working on autopilot for quite a while now. And the autopilot life, is here to stay.

It doesn’t really suck to live on autopilot if you accept that this is your destiny. It comes from the thought that, Chalo, everything is over, you have to “exist”, so you find a way to fulfill obligations to work and family even though your heart may no longer be into anything you do. You kind of stop caring for yourself. That’s the autopilot way of life.

Say you are at work. You stare at a blank Word doc on your computer’s screen, but you are not really looking at the blinking cursor. You are looking at the past. All the mistakes – mistakes that a backspace cannot erase.

You curse yourself for how easily you let things mess with your head. The challenge is to fight these thoughts and the temptation to let your bitterness devour you. It’s tough to fight the urge to let yourself waste away. You hear inspiration speeches left, right and center. But some struggles are hard to explain, they can only be felt. So those peace less nights before falling asleep is a challenge, continue to this day. 

When you are on autopilot, you cannot afford to sit idle. It is important to keep yourself occupied – my work has been a blessing in disguise. It’s also good to surround yourself with people, but don’t depend on them. Dependence leads to attachment which in turn leads to expectations and finally disappointment. So quit depending on someone for your happiness.

You wonder if it’s possible for a person’s life to end before it began. Can life end before you turn 24? Sounds absurd, dramatic. But possible. Like you grow old, lead a life filled with no peace, living in the past and finally die unhappy. This is one of those nights when I think a similar fate probably awaits. You never know. Or maybe not. There may be a slight chance that things may be okay again miraculously, but you dare not hope. Yeah, that’s the rule. No hoping.

But this is a constant debate for which there’s no answer.

And then you wake up to another day of autopilot – and the realization that you have lost yourself and may never be found again.


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