I had always wanted to write.
Somewhere along the way God dropped a slate into my hands. I was not supposed to sketch. Yet I did. I scribbled. The ugly scribble affected the slate as well. What mistake did the slate do? The slate deserved a painting and not meaningless scribbles. I was guilty of starting to scribble but in life you cannot erase what you started out to scribble and so I tried to make a decent painting out of my scribbles. It only became uglier. I paused. Took a second chance at painting. It only became worse.
Reached a point where it became clear that the slate had to go. And it went. I cried for the slate. I couldn’t sketch anyway, so it shouldn’t make a difference that the slate went, right? But it did. I cried for a year over the lost slate. Still sometimes do.
Did I “discard” the slate? Or did the slate just slide away from me? I don’t know. But the slate is no longer with me anymore. I don’t sketch anymore.
Then I remembered, I had always wanted to write. When I first chanced upon the slate, I ignored the fact that I liked to write. Big mistake. “Let me write at least now”, I thought. So I went out to buy a pen and paper. Thought I’ll write a story about my slate. As Fate would have it, the shop I went to did not have pens and papers right then. They would take some time. A year or two, he said. He asked me to get them somewhere else. But I loved the stationary in the shop. Was always my favorite.
The shopkeeper did not seem to want to help me. He did not seem to understand that they stocked some of my favorite pens. Should I tell him I’ll wait till they restocked? Would he think I was crazy to wait a year for a few pens? Or should I just leave the shop?
Or should I JUST give up writing and sketching and maybe…sing instead? My family always wanted me to sing.
Something new? A fresh start?
But if I did that, I will have forever lost the slate. I will have forever lost the chance to write. But I may, just may, sing well. Should I cry forever over the lost slate? Should I wait for a pen and a paper?
Or should I start afresh with a song, maybe?